an explanation

for the irregular blogging.

my emotions have been all over the place.
I am unsure of how much or how little to share.
and I've been busy. possibly trying to distract myself.
many things are happening in my life.
and, the month of May is a roller coaster ride of emotions for me.

as you know, Chris and I celebrate our anniversary on the 6th.
and it was a big one this year --- 10 years!
which was exciting and fun to celebrate.

then three days later, on Sunday, May 9th,
it was the special day to celebrate the blessing
of a wonderful mother and mother-in-law.

but on that same day, May 9th, the year 1998,
there were not-so-pleasant memories to recall
of losing my dear father that I only knew 16 years.
I feel so robbed of so much.
he wasn't able to share in my graduation.
or walk me down the aisle on my wedding day.
and I feel as if I need him more now than ever.
then I remind myself ... others lost their dad even younger than I,
including my mom, who lost her father at 5 years old or so.
and some people never even know their dad.
so, I resolve to trust that God knows what's best!
even if it means pain.

but visiting this spot doesn't get easier.tears always flow. my heart aches.

I only have the painful memory of saying "goodbye" here.
however, I'll choose the more pleasant memories.
he was definitely a one-of-a-kind man.gentle. wise beyond his years.
a heart of gold. peacemaker.
influential role model. prayer warrior.
lover of God and his family.I miss him.
I look forward to Heaven.