infertility etiquette

And for a little light-hearted humor, 

here is some infertility etiquette:

Things you shouldn't say to someone struggling with infertility:

• "Just relax." 
• "Stop thinking about it and it will happen."
• "Why not just adopt?"
• "You want kids? Take mine."
• "You are still young. You have plenty of time."
• "My husband just looks at me and I get pregnant."
• "Maybe it's not meant to be"

Don't share the "horror" stories you are familiar with ... each case is different.  And do not imply that the couple has done something to cause a problem (ie gained too much weight, drank too much caffeine, etc.)  Trust me, they already blame themselves.

For goodness sake, don't share personal opinions regarding fertility treatments and procedures.  Unless you've been there, you have no idea what you would do.

Don't offer advice and old wives tales ... they've probably already tried having her stand on her head.

 

If you are pregnant - don't complain in front of an infertile woman - she would die for that!

 

Don't ask a childless couple, "When they are going to start trying?" or "When are y'all gonna have a baby?"  It's like asking a single person at a wedding, "When are you getting married?"  Otherwise, folks might start asking you at the funeral home, "Are you next?"  LOL

 

Things you should say:

• "How are you?"
• "Is there anything I can do?" (not likely, but the fact you care enough to ask means the world)
• "I'm here if you want to talk about it."
• "I am praying for you/can I pray for you?"

 

Offer a hug.  Cry with them.  Send a card in the mail.  

 

Educate yourself:  http://www.resolve.org/support-and-services/for-family--friends/

DO provide emotional support, understand a need for privacy, remind them their is hope, be sensitive of their feelings and struggles.  The vast majority of infertile couples have minimal control of the diseases that causes their infertility.  Giving them emotional support during this trying time is a wonderful way to assist them. Giving them subtle hints that they have control plants the seeds of failure in the minds of the infertile patient.  Please be kind, thoughtful and always supportive. 

infertility awareness

1 in 8 families struggle with infertility in some way, big or small.

It's something that those who do not struggle with take for granted.

Please, take a moment, think about it, try to imagine the struggle, 

and honor and pray for those who struggle.

Most women are born with a desire to be a mother.
Little girls play with dolls and pretend to be mothers like their moms.

When that dream is crushed, 

it's hard to keep waiting and have faith, 

but yet harder still to give up when it's all you've ever wanted.

Infertility can wreak havoc on almost every area of your life.

Spiritually ... 

"Why me?  Why does the teenage, un-wed mother get pregnant?"

"Why did You create me with a longing to be a mom, if You knew I wouldn't be able to conceive?"

"Are You not hearing my prayers?"

Emotionally ...

Feelings of anger, frustration, feelings of inadequacy, depression, and guilt

Pregnancy announcements hurt.

Family and social gatherings become a reminder of infertility.

Tears fill your eyes at the sight of pregnant ladies and newborns in public.

Baby showers can be a traumatic experience. 

You'd rather just skip Mother's Day and Father's Day.

And sometimes fertility medications mess with your hormones adding to the emotions.

Physically ... 

Testing and treatments ... hello, side effects.

These can do wacky things to your body.

Not to mention, stress alone can make one physically ill.

Financially ...

Infertility testing and treatments can become costly quickly.

One IVF cycle "attempt" can cost anywhere from $10,000-$15,000.

Most insurance plans do not cover testing or treatment.

And adoption (unless government-assisted) isn't cheap!

Relationally ...

Marriages are strained. 

Husband and wife are both dealing with this issue at the same time,

therefore, it is sometimes difficult to offer support and encouragement
when you are in need of the same.

And most of the time, both husband and wife do not deal with it in the same manner.

Relationships with family members can suffer.

Most families have little infertility knowledge, therefore they are unsure of what to say and do.

Also, they do not understand your sensitive nature and how to be careful of it.

Sometimes families do not understand why when you can't make it to an event.

And well-meaning friends and family can overload you with advice and pressure. 

It's tough all the way around.  Any way you spin it.  It stinks!  

And there's not an easy, guaranteed fix.

Sometimes it takes years of prayer, acceptance, appointments, and counseling 

to determine how to deal with infertility and proceed in the plan for your life.

Although, I'm now just 5 weeks away from the anticipated arrival of our long-awaited baby,

my heart still bears the wounds and scars of infertility.

Josie and time will heal the wounds, but I will always have the scars.

And I pray these scars keep me sensitive and aware of those struggling around me.

If you are struggling with infertility, 

I pray for strength for your journey, faith to keep believing, and abundant blessings!

throwback Thursday

Randomly, I decided to "throwback" and find the very first pictures/captions I posted to Facebook after I caved and joined in 2009. 

Also, I'm posting the first pictures I took with my "smart" phone in 2011.

Not throwing it too far back, but just interesting to look back ... especially in technology.

 

Facebook, May 4, 2009: 

"it's spring time! YAY!"

 

This picture makes me ready for Spring, planting flowers, green grass, etc.

And the "teaser" of warm temperatures has made me even more ready.

The irises in our yard are blooming this week.

Hopefully it will be here soon (to stay)!

 

Facebook, May 4, 2009: 

"on vacation - family of 3 - for now. (hope to have some little people some day)"

And in 2013, we are finally adding a little person. :)

 

Droid smart phone, January 21, 2011

This is a previous pastor's daughter (of the church where I work).

While the pastor was on a mission trip;

she stayed with us one afternoon while her mom was working.

She absolutely loved Chris!  She called him her "boyfriend."

 

Droid smart phone, January 21, 2011

I love this picture!  

Chris is such a big kid at heart; playing on the playground

What joy it will be to see him playing with Josie soon.

faith in His timing

 Source: sugartotdesigns.blogspot.com via Olivia on Pinterest

" But if we hope for that we see not, then do we with patience wait for it."  Romans 8:25

I've had to remind myself of this fact often throughout life.
Holding on to faith for healing of loved ones.
Waiting to hear results after applying for a job.
Being still as decisions were being made regarding financial situations.
And most often during our wait for a baby.

This past weekend, I recalled those times of waiting.
Sunday marked my 28th week of pregnancy.
Just 2.5 months left.
Only 12 weeks to go.
A mere 84 days til due date.

While pondering on the short time remaining until my due date,
I recalled days when we didn't know if I would ever even be pregnant.
I wished for a round, growing belly.
I dreamt of knowing the feeling of life forming inside me.
We held onto faith that we would one day hold our baby ... but, when?
How long would we have to wait for our baby?
We didn't know God's timeframe.
The how's, the when's, they why's ... so much was unknown.
We couldn't put a finger on anything for certain.
We spent hours in pleading prayer.
Putting full trust in God who knew the desires of our hearts.
And ultimately, we put our faith not only in Him, but in His timing as well.

"Wait on the Lord: be of good courage,
and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the Lord."
Psalm 27:14

And here we are.
Some 6+ years later in the journey.
Faith in God.
Faith in His timing.
It works.
Now, I know the pregnant-feeling.  I feel those kicks and punches often.
And in a short-time, Lord-willing, we will hold our precious miracle in our arms.

"...blessed are all they that wait for him." Isaiah 30:18

all in a picture

This is a special, special picture.

It may look ordinary to you.

It's "just" a quick photo my cousin Miranda snapped at a family dinner.

But, for me and Chris it brings a myriad of emotions.

This picture is framed on our nightstand.
We look at it frequently.  And we talk about it often.

This was taken on Saturday afternoon, September 22nd.

Two days earlier on Thursday, I had taken a pregnancy test with negative results

That morning, I had retested at 6:00 AM before Chris went to work.
Didn't see two lines, threw test in the garbage, and we cried together holding each other.
Chris went to work.  I met two friends for a meeting over breakfast.
After breakfast, I received a text that close friends had a baby "land in their lap" for a foster option.
I lost it.  I called Chris.  He broke down.  We cried again together over the phone.
I went into the office.  Worked through tears.
And that afternoon, we pushed on, smiling to attend Chris' grandmother's 80th birthday party.
And that's were this picture was taken.
What a tough day it was for us ... extended family and friends all around.
Fear of the question, "When are y'all going to have kids?"
Seeing mamas and babies; grandparents with grandchildren.
Yet, we managed to smile even though our hearts were crushed and breaking.

BUT, this is actually the first picture of the "3 of us."
You see, baby girl was there all along.
Obviously, I tested too early on Thursday.
And on Monday when I saw two lines on another test ... I dug through the garbage and found the one from Saturday actually did have two lines - one was just very, very faint.

Sure all those tears and heartaches of that Saturday were for nothing,
but it definitely makes for a story all in one a picture.
And there was a reason to smile that day - we just didn't know it yet.

My prayer for all walking through infertility ... I hope you have a special picture for yourself. ... and soon!
What a great reminder of God's faithfulness in each step of the journey.

"graduation" appointment

October 26th, we had our last appointment with the fertility specialist.

The office calls it a "graduation" appointment; releasing me to my regular OBGYN.

We had a another ultrasound - 8 weeks, 5 days.

We could see a distinct body image with head and body and little arm and leg buds.

It was amazing to see how much our little baby had grown in just 2 weeks.

Baby's heart beat was 180BPM.

Everything still looks great and is measuring on track.

At one point, our doctor stopped moving the wand and said, "that's not me moving - that's your baby moving." - already a wiggle worm!!

We received a little packet and a onsie.

And of course, they took a "graduation" picture.  :)

We are two happy people!! (I didn't even have to bribe Chris to smile)  haha!
This appointment was early in the morning, which meant we had been up since 5:30AM, hence, the tired eyes.

our miracle

"For this child I prayed; ..."  I Samuel 1:27

 

After six, long painful years, thousands of dollars, and a gazillion prayers, it is with great joy that we announce our lil' blessing is due to arrive June 2013.

 

"Delight thyself also in the Lord: and He shall give thee the desires of thine heart." Psalm 37:4

 

Earlier this year, after a possible adoption option was presented to us (which fell through obviously), we fervently prayed for direction in our infertility journey.  We did not want to seek adoption or more medical advice, wasting time and resources, if that wasn't God's plan.  At the beginning of August, we felt led to pursue more medical assistance and met with one of the top five reproductive endocrinologists in the nation.  From the very first appointment, Chris and I felt God leading, affirming each step ... sprinkling little signs along the way.  One of our appointments was on September 6th, our 15th dating anniversary.  We endured more tests and procedures   Even with a few "bumps in the road" (that some might find disheartening), our treatment worked the FIRST time; which is not usually the case.  Due to the sometimes conflicting opinions surrounding infertility treatments, we have decided not to discuss the details of our treatment at this time.

 

"He hath made every thing beautiful in His time ..." Ecclesiastes 3:11

 

We are both beyond excited and so thrilled. 

In the past 5 weeks, we have smiled, cried, and laughed.

We waited so long for this and sometimes we can hardly believe it is really true.

Over the past few weeks, we have shared the news with friends and family - which has been so fun!
At just 5 weeks, after the first two blood tests, we decided to share with our close family and friends. It was a difficult decision to share early, but since we had waited so long and were bursting at the seams, we wanted others to share in the wonderful joy even at the possiblity of sharing in grief should something happen later. We waited to share on Facebook until after the ultrasound and hearing the heartbeat.

 

"And all things, whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer, believing, ye shall receive."  Matthew 21:22

Thank you from the bottom of my heart for all your prayers during this long journey.

There were difficult days that I couldn't have made it through without the prayers and words of encouragement.

 

 

angel of miracles

I have quite a collection of Willow Tree figurines.

Several of my friends have given these to me over the years.

Many have significant meaning for a certain phase in my life.

A few of them are 'friends' themed.

And Chris has given me a few of the couples ones.

On my birthday this year, while Chris and I were shopping, 

we chose one to add to my collection.

an Angel of Miracles

Praying that this thirtieth year will be the year of our special miracle.

"Please, Jesus, let it be."

next jump - the details

Since I didn't immediately post after our appointment,
I'm sure you've guessed it -
we didn't receive the news we wanted to hear.
(had we received good news, I would've been eager to share)

The tests and in-depth blood work further concluded that
our chances of ever conceiving on our own
are slim to none (according to medical science).
However, we do know God's power is limitless.
We would be overjoyed for God to 'shock our socks off.'
:)

However, medically-speaking, we have a few options.
We are praying over these options
and asking God for His leading in this journey.
We have a busy next few weeks.
Chris has a minor outpatient surgery.
Our church has youth camp.
We are taking time off from fertility appointments
and simply praying for guidance.
After things settle down,
we plan to decide where and how to take the next jump.

We have an unexplainable peace.
The tears following this appointment were minimal
compared to other appointments.
We're relieved that the testing is over
and thankful to have answers
even if the answers aren't what we hoped for.
We're excited to see what is in store
as God unfolds His plan for us
and we have high hopes for a baby next year.
Of course, if God wills it.

"Discouraging moments are often preparation for a beautiful sight."

next jump

Today we have a follow-up appointment for the results of the most recent tests, etc. The findings and results of these tests will determine the next action to be taken. We are more than ready to know what the plans are to start our family. Please pray for positive results, wisdom from doctors, and clarity of God's direction as we take the next step, which feels more like a 'jump.'

"The jump is so frightening between where I am and where I want to be ... because of all I may become I will close my eyes and leap!"

procedures and bloodwork

We had more appointments with the baby doctors this morning. If you don't mind, please pray for answers and God's will concerning these appointments. We are anxious to know what our next step will be.

And 'thank you' to you who continually pour out love on us and keep us in your prayers. Just today we received a sweet card -- "what perfect timing." The love and support of our family and friends surrounding us holds us together, as well as the hand of God. We feel your prayers. And we could never tell how much we appreciate you doing so. We love you.

"And all things, whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer, believing, ye shall receive." Matthew 21:22

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I Won't Let Go

Just recently, my mom shared this song with me.
It could be interpreted many different ways
relating to family, friends, lovers, and Christ.

My mom will always hold me.
When life is hard - I will chose to cling to Chris.
And I know Chris is always standing by me.
And most importantly, Jesus will never let me go.

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faith, prayers, and His will

A brief synopsis of a discussion from last weekend:

I have faith. God can do anything!
"Complicated" and "Impossible" are not words of His vocabulary.

Abraham + Sarah = Isaac
Elkanah + Hannah = Samuel
Shunammite woman + husband = son prophesied by Elisha
Zacharias + Elisabeth = John the Baptist

And ....... if I don't get an answer
I can 'avenge' Him until He gives me what I want, so to speak.
Right?
See the story of the widow and judge (Luke 18:1-5).

But, there is a risk associated.
Permissive or perfect will?
Remember Hezekiah's results.

So honestly, when I get down to the nitty-gritty of my prayers being answered:
It is really all left up to HIM.

If His answer is to give me my heart's desire --
then "yes, Hallelujah, PTL!"

But, if His answer is not to give me my heart's desire ...
I can truthful say,
"I desire His will."
(even though acceptance will be hard)
His plans are greater than mine.
(and far better than I can imagine)
And I know He will help me.
He'll give me grace and strength.
It may take a while, but eventually,
I'll get my heart and head on "the same page" as His.
And in the end I will still be able to shout ---
"Yes, Hallelujah, PTL!"

staying positive

Last Thursday, the doctor's last words as we exited the room,
we will never soon forget ... "Stay positive”

Though, honestly, a part of me wanted to turn around and shout through my tears, "Stay positive?? How??? You just crushed my hopes." Yet, another part of me knows that I must try to stay positive, be hopeful, and have faith.

Currently, at this point -
We have resolved to continue the medical testing
(possibly 2 more tests)
until we get the doctor's final answer.
(though we know Who has the Final answer)
Then we will decide our next step.
Until then we will have hope (and stay positive).
Our hopes are dwindling, medically-speaking,
but, there is still a speck of hope there,
possibly a problem could be detected in these 2 tests
which would be treatable by medicine or surgery.
Please pray that God will divinely direct our steps.
We want to make the Right decision.
Without wasting a lot of time, money, and emotions.
Ultimately, we want what He wants – not just what our hearts want.

So for now, we attempt to keep hope alive and remain positive.

And we believe with all the faith that we can muster ....
"My God is so big, so strong, and so mighty,
there's NOTHING my God cannot do."

God knows

I love it when God speaks softly and sweetly to my heart. When He is so direct; there's no denying that it is Him. Today I walked out of my office and the church sign called my name loud and clear.

PS - No, I'm not responsible for changing this sign. Nor does 'the church sign man' have a clue about our situation. But God knows ... all things. He controls and ordains everything with a purpose. And I'm so glad 'the church sign man' was listening today.

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the inevitable

Thursday's appointment resulted
in more disappointing, discouraging news.

So what did we do?
Canceled our trip out of town.
It was just too much to handle at the moment.
Instead, we spent Friday goofing off together.
Avoiding reality.
Visiting the lake. Pretending we were at the beach.
Wearing beach clothes, flip flops, and messy-styled beach hair.
Shopping. Eating ice cream.
Finding something funny to laugh at.
Riding with the windows down and radio blaring.

But inevitably,
we let the guard down, reality set in, and it happened ....
Anger. Frustration. Denial. Guilt. Sadness. Questions.
Differences in handling/accepting the news.
Tears. Puffy eyes. Hugs. Acceptance. Prayers. Plans.
We needed quiet, alone time to process it all.
And that's just what we did all weekend.

Keep us in your prayers, please.

sometimes it's all I think about

that's what friends are for

I am blessed with wonderful friends.

Since we shared of our struggle with infertility,
I've received many encouraging emails and text messages;
some included words to songs, poems, quotes, scriptures, etc.The out pour of love and care for us has been precious
and just what we needed.It's a wonderful feeling to know someone else cares for you.
Thank you, friends! Much love to you!

An email sharing the words of this song summed it up nicely:
I want my friends to pray for me,
To bear my tempted soul above,
And intercede with God for me;
I need the prayers of those I love.

the reality of accepting struggles

Throughout my life, at times, I've had a difficult time accepting reality and coming to terms with life's struggles. Some big and some not-so big. Some I could handle and some beyond my control.

Elementary, I know, (no pun intended) but I struggled with going to kindergarten. I didn't want to leave my mama and brother at home. My sweet bus driver carried me from my class to the bus the first week of school. On a weekly basis, if not daily, I made myself sick, in attempt to being sent home. But, reality is 5-year-olds must go to school. And after counseling and meetings between my parents, teacher, guidance counselor, and principal ... I survived, eventually, keeping down my oatmeal and needing my bus driver to only hold my hand.

I struggled with transferring schools between 1st and 2nd grade - leaving friends and familiar surroundings. But, reality is that parents must follow God's direction even if we must move to a different county. And yet again, I survived - making friends and excelling in a wonderful new school.

As a 10-year old, I struggled with the 'unfairness' of losing my uncle, my father's 16-year old brother. Taken so young with so much life left to live. And although my parents explained and shielded me from a lot of details surrounding his passing, I didn't understand. But, reality is that God makes no mistakes and He has a reason for choosing to call His children Home. And I survived, as well as, cherishing precious memories and learning more as I matured.

Then, when I was just 16-years old, I struggled with the loss of my Daddy. How unfair it seemed. He wasn't there for my graduation, nor was he there to escort me down the aisle at my wedding --- oh, how I have missed him. Once again, reality is that God knows best and sees the big picture with a purpose and a plan. And with comfort and strength from the Lord, I survived, again.

Such has been the case throughout my adult life. I have had additional struggles, some beyond my control ... job loss, trouble in relationships, health problems, family deaths, financial difficulties, etc.

Reality has been harsh at times. Yet, I have survived, again and again.
Reality is life. And life is reality.
And reality is that life will have struggles.
Thanks be to God, I have survived by His grace and strength.

Now, at 29 years of age, just two months from celebrating our 11th wedding anniversary, I have another struggle. One that so quickly became reality and is now my life. After trying to start our family with no success for a few years, we are faced with a new challenge. Over the past few weeks, many doctors appointments and several tests discovered that it may be a struggle for us to have a baby.

We have accepted this truth {slowly} with many tears.
And while the full depths of the struggle is yet to be determined,
this reality is our life and part of our journey.
And with God's continued grace and strength, we will survive.

Please hold us in your thoughts and prayers as we travel this difficult path.