lately

Not much is happening, except day-to-day life and preparing for Josie.
My mood has been sort of "blah" with a mixture of anxiousness.
I am worried about checking off the to do list before Josie arrives.
(yes, my OCD wants everything "just so" before our little girl's debut)

We only have 13 weekends left until her due date.
We plan to go out of town two of those weekends.
And Chris often works on the weekends.

Monday-Thursday, Chris leaves home at 6:15 AM and returns at 6:00 PM.  This doesn't leave much time to accomplish tasks through the week.

Our spring calendar is also starting to fill up ... more frequent doctor appointments, revival at church, childbirth classes, hospital tour, baby shower(s), birthdays to celebrate, etc.

Here's our to do list before baby arrives:
1.  Complete nursery
2.  Make all final purchases of things necessary for baby
3.  Finish home remodeling; namely painting
4.  Few random projects around the house
5.  Spring yard work; pressure wash house
6.  Open pool for summer
7.  Prepare garden

Oh, and then ... "what if" Josie decides to come early. 
That will sure throw a kink in the plans.
So, I really don't want to wait until the last minute to do these projects.

And delivery ... that word alone makes me uneasy.  How does one make a birth plan?  I'm not sure how you plan for that.  Not much can be predicted.  There are a lot of variables and unknowns.  I assure myself daily when that time comes I will do what I have to do.  I find slight consolation that my mom had quick labor and deliver; and also my dad's side of the family tends to have quick labors.  I know by the end of May, I will be ready for her to come no matter how she comes.  Oh, and I'm relieved to know that I'll not be in labor for more than 24 hours.  So, come how she may, and when she may ... Josie will come.

And after baby comes?  ...  I'm reading books and trying to be prepared for taking care of a baby, but I don't think I'll ever be fully prepared for what awaits.   Feeding, sleeping, crying, and going back to work are a few of my concerns.

But, in spite of the anxiousness .... every day I'm grateful for the life growing inside me.
Every.  Single.  Day. 
Not a day goes by that I don't feel blessed beyond measure.
Words can not express my thankfulness for this little miracle that kicks and punches me.
When I "talk" to Josie and tell her how much she is loved; tears can't help but fill my eyes.

I know we are on the verge of a life-changing event.
We will forever be her parents.  There's no going back or changing our minds.
It has reminded me of when Chris and I were planning to be married.
So many wedding preparations, excitement, getting our house ready, and some worries too.
It was my dream come true, yet, some days I thought "what am I getting myself into?"

I do not know exactly what the future holds.
I can only be prepared so much for what lies ahead - most learning will come from experience.
And that to do list ... well, Josie will not care if we have a garden or the pool ready this summer.
And I'm confident when we hold her in our arms, it will not matter to us (me) if things aren't "just so."

So, bring on summer.